NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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