I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
