it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
