So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
