I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
