I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
