Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Its about making memories worth repressing
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it