i just google imaged poop.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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