Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
