Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
