someone get that fucking seahorse.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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