i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
