we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
