wanna go halves on a baby?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Randomize
