I seem to have left my pride at pride
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
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Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
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I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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