I wish I only lived at night.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
The beer is more important than you right now.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
