I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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