apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
