can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
