You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
