hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
