There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
