I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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