So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
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then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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