Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
