she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
