there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
as a side note pls kill me
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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