how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
My pussy is not your playground.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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