I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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