I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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