put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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