Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
