guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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