Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
