Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
i need to put some appletini on your dick
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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