I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
