I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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