i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She needs sedatives and a leash
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
