i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
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She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
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so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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