Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize