come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
