another moral hangover. fuck.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I have aggressive nipples.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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