Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
