I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I will pee on everything he values.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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