You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
