they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
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shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
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She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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