I love black thongs
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
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My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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