I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize