i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
