Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I had to cum in my sink.
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