i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
