I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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