im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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