i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize