dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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