Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
