Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
