What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
