I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
my liver is dry heaving
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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