It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
