I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
