based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
50% drunk capacity currently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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